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Life Coaching by Kathy O'Connor
Contact me on +353 (0)86 867 6565

Actors or Reactors

Are you an actor or a reactor in your life? Do you get all upset when things are not going as you would like them to? Do you rise easily to frustration and anger or at times feel overcome with fear.

Fear is something that everyone can relate to and in today’s world of uncertainty with the economic world crashing down around us fear may be something that you are experiencing more of than ever before. What today’s economic crisis brings with it is the feeling of insecurity and when we experience feelings of insecurity you can bet that fear is present. Fear of losing one’s job, having less money available to spend, fear of losing one’s home, fear of the call from debtors looking for their monthly payments, or fear of losing one’s savings or pensions. When we feel threatened or overwhelmed we become fearful and will strive to protect what we have. Or we may feel overwhelmed and may be unable to see a way forward and it may appear difficult to face the challenge life has brought to us. Fear can keep us safe or it can hold us back from doing things that we want to do.

Today lets begin to look at building a healthy relationship with fear so that it works in our favour, not against us. I am going to tell you something that has the potential to transform your life and can help you to deal with your fears head on Whatever situation you are facing in your life right is not a problem or even the problem, it is your reaction to the situation that is the problem. I am going to say that again, it is your reaction to the situation that the situation that is the problem. If what I say is true and that it is your reaction to a situation that is the problem then all that we have to do is to have a different reaction and the situation will appear different. An example is if you are going to do your driving test and start telling yourself that your are going to fail, and go on to remind yourself that when you feel this nervous you find it impossible to concentrate, then you are setting yourself up for failure. On the other hand if you acknowledge your fear and anxiety, understanding that it is the most normal thing in the world to feel nervous or anxious in a situation like this, and that you have done all the prep work and
are ready to take the test, then you are setting yourself up for success. Even if you do not pass the test at this time, have you failed? Absolutely not! Taking the test in the first place can only be success and you can learn from the feedback given.

The first step to changing our reaction to anything is to become aware of what it is that we are saying to ourselves about the situation. If our thoughts are negative then we will have a negative reaction, if our thoughts are positive then we will have a positive reaction. It is as simple as that. We can spend our life frightening ourselves by the way we think about a situation.

When you become consciously aware of the self-talk you will change forever your relationship with fear. You will no longer let fear dictate to you how to act or what to do. To be consciously afraid means that you know you are frightened, but at the same time you know that these very fears, as real as they may seem, are not you. And no wrong reaction can keep you captive once you begin to see it for what it is.

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